3 New Connection-Building Strategies I’ve Been Trying (and One I’m Giving Up)
You can’t teach new tricks to an old dog, or can you?
As a mental health therapist working with Black Gen X women navigating midlife, I’ve been noticing how relationship challenges, especially in the areas of connection and emotional intimacy, are at the root of many of my clients’ struggles. This realization got me thinking—if I’m teaching my clients how to build better connections, maybe I should try out some new strategies myself.
If you’ve been feeling a little disconnected or uninspired in your relationships, this post is for you. I’m sharing three new connection-building strategies I’ve been experimenting with to better connect with others, and I’m also revealing one thing I’m giving up—even though others have had great success with it.
Can you guess what it is? Read on to find out!
Why is Trying New Connection-Building Strategies So Important?
You might think you’ve got this whole relationship and connection thing down. After all, you’ve been navigating life for years and are used to building and maintaining relationships. But after working with dozens of Black Gen X women in therapy, I’ve discovered that we often stagnate in our relationships without even realizing it.
Many clients come to me saying they want to improve their connections with partners, family members, or even themselves, but they often stick to outdated patterns and habits that no longer serve them.
Let me share an example:
Many women come to therapy feeling frustrated with the lack of emotional intimacy in their marriages. Of course, there were stories….on top of stories, on top of stories about everything their partners were “doing wrong”. They wanted their partners to improve their communication, be more vulnerable, be more romantic……ALL THE THINGS! But it wasn’t until we dove into their own relationship patterns and functioning that we realized most of them had been avoiding vulnerability for years. By trying some of the strategies I’m about to share, many clients report they were able to rebuild their connections with their partners and reported feeling closer to them than they had in years.
Want to improve your own relationship dynamics and connection-building skills? You’re in luck—I’m sharing these tips with you today.
#1. New Connection-Building Strategy: Lean Into Vulnerability
As perfectionists, many of us are prone to avoiding situations that make us feel exposed or uncomfortable. I know that for me, leaning into vulnerability has always felt risky, especially in personal relationships. For example, I’ve always found it difficult to open up about my own struggles, even though I preach vulnerability to my clients! Yeah, yeah….the shoe maker has no shoes! (face palm gif)
But here’s the catch: By avoiding vulnerability, I’ve been holding myself back from building deeper connections. So, I decided to try something different. I started opening up more in my personal relationships, sharing my thoughts and feelings even when it felt uncomfortable.
Here’s what I found:
I developed deeper connections with the people around me.
I felt more supported because others understood what I was going through.
I built trust by being honest about my emotions and experiences.
If you’re feeling stuck in your relationships, try leaning into vulnerability. It’s scary, but the rewards are worth it.
Related Post: Check out my blog post on “How Vulnerability Can Improve Your Relationships” for more tips on this topic.
#2. New Connection-Building Strategy: Practicing Intentional Listening
I’ll be honest—listening isn’t as simple as we think. Often, we listen just to respond, not to understand. I know all about the power of intentional listening, but I used to roll my eyes at the idea. However, after being called out on my own bad listening habits, I decided it was time to practice what I preach. I mean…being a therapist and all…that’s kinda important! 🤦🏽
Here’s what happened when I started practicing intentional listening:
I became more present in conversations, which made others feel heard and valued.
I strengthened my relationships because I truly understood what others were saying.
I noticed more nuances in people’s emotions and body language, allowing me to connect on a deeper level.
It’s been a game-changer in my personal and professional life. By listening more intently, I’ve built stronger, more authentic relationships.
#3. New Connection-Building Strategy: Prioritizing Time for Relationships
It might sound obvious, but I’ve found that scheduling intentional time for relationship-building has made a huge difference. As a therapist and business owner, I’m constantly juggling work, family, and self-care. I’d often let personal relationships fall to the wayside, assuming they’d take care of themselves.
But guess what: Relationships don’t thrive when we’re on autopilot. To combat this, I started carving out specific times to connect with my people—whether it’s scheduling dinner with friends, drinks with the hubby, taking time to give people a quick text or call…just to tap in and let them know I’m thinking of them, or having a no-phones dinner with my family. It has been transformative.
Here’s how it helped:
My relationships grew stronger because I was consistently making time for them.
I felt more fulfilled because I was prioritizing the people I care about.
I felt less isolated and more connected in my personal life.
If you’re feeling disconnected, try setting aside intentional time for the people who matter most to you.
BONUS!
AND HERE’S WHAT WE NOT GONE DO!
Force Conversations About Feelings!
Here’s what I’m not doing anymore: forcing emotional conversations when the timing isn’t right. Through my work with clients, I’ve discovered that pushing people to open up when they’re not ready can lead to resentment and shut down connections. It’s taken me a long time to learn this in my own relationships!
Here’s what I’ve realized:
Not everyone is ready to talk when you are, and that’s okay.
Forcing the conversation can do more harm than good.
Waiting for the right moment often leads to more meaningful exchanges.
Instead of pushing people to talk about their feelings when they’re not ready, I now focus on being there when they’re ready to open up. It’s made my relationships feel more natural and less pressured.
I done GIF’ed yall to death so……Let’s wrap this up…..
You can make the most progress in building connections when you try new strategies, give them a fair shot, and see how they work for you. And if one technique doesn’t work—like forcing emotional conversations—it’s better to pivot to something that feels more natural.
There are so many ways to strengthen your relationships, and I hope this post has given you some fresh ideas to try.
Here at Point and Pivot, I’m all about helping Gen X Black women embrace midlife with confidence and clarity, using evidence-based therapy to navigate life’s transitions.
Want to explore how you can build meaningful connections?
Reach out HERE to schedule a free 15 minute consultation!
I’d love to hear from you!