3 Reasons You’re Not Reaching Your Anxiety Management Goals (And How to Change That)
Stop me if this seems familiar. You’ve been putting in the work – trying mindfulness, setting boundaries, maybe even incorporating more self-care or exercise. Friends think you’ve got it all figured out, that you’re on a steady path toward feeling more balanced each day.
But the truth? Anxiety is still hanging around, showing up in ways you hoped it wouldn’t. Despite all your efforts, the peace and control you’re craving still feel out of reach. Sound familiar? Feeling frustrated? A little discouraged? Or maybe even ready to give up on managing anxiety altogether?
Anxiety management can be a frustrating journey, especially if you’re doing “all the right things” but still not seeing the results you want. And it’s understandable to feel that way – most of us want clear results, especially when we’re putting in so much effort. But there may be some hidden reasons your current strategies aren’t working as well as you hoped.
So, grab your favorite warm drink (peppermint spice latte, anyone?), that cozy blanket, and let’s dive in. I’m going to walk you through three common roadblocks that can keep you from reaching your anxiety management goals – and more importantly, how to start moving past them.
Reason #1: You’re Comparing Your Progress to Others’
They say “comparison is the thief of joy,” but when it comes to managing anxiety, it can also be the thief of progress. This reason is especially relevant in our social media-driven world, where it seems like everyone else is effortlessly calm and managing their lives without stress. It’s easy to look at others and think, “Why can’t I be like that?” or “What am I doing wrong if everyone else seems to be so at peace?”
But the reality is, everyone’s experience with anxiety is different. We all have our own triggers, our own histories, and our own paths to healing. Comparing your progress to someone else’s is like trying to measure apples against oranges – it’s just not an accurate way to gauge your growth. Instead of helping, this focus on others can actually pull you away from your own journey and needs.
Let’s break it down even more. When you’re looking at someone else’s apparent success, you’re only seeing a snapshot of their lives, often one they’ve carefully chosen to share. You’re not seeing their struggles, setbacks, or the strategies they’re working through to reach their goals. This comparison leads to feelings of inadequacy, but it’s based on an incomplete picture.
Solution: Start by noticing when these comparisons come up. Awareness is the first step to changing any pattern. Each time you catch yourself comparing, gently shift your focus back to your own journey. Remind yourself of the progress you have made, no matter how small it might seem. A simple shift in thinking, like “I’m doing the best I can with where I am right now,” can help you stay focused on your own growth instead of getting caught up in someone else’s.
Tip: Try keeping a journal of your wins, no matter how small. Record moments when you successfully managed a stressful situation or recognized an anxious thought without letting it control you. Over time, you’ll see your progress in a way that reflects your unique journey.
Reason #2: You’re Not Clear on What “Success” Looks Like for You
Let’s be real – “managing anxiety” can mean different things to different people. For some, it’s about being able to stay grounded during a challenging work presentation. For others, it might mean being able to relax and enjoy social gatherings without constantly worrying. If you haven’t clearly defined what success means for you, you might feel like you’re “failing” at anxiety management simply because your goals are too vague or broad.
Imagine trying to train for a marathon without knowing how far you want to run, or what pace you’re aiming for. Without clear, defined goals, any progress will feel incomplete or insufficient. In the same way, without knowing your own specific benchmarks for anxiety management, it’s hard to know when you’re succeeding or when you might need to make adjustments.
Solution: Take some time to get specific about what “success” looks like for you in managing anxiety. This doesn’t have to be overly complicated – just consider what specific, realistic outcomes would make you feel like you’re making progress. Is it being able to pause and breathe when anxiety starts to rise? Is it reducing the frequency of certain anxious thoughts? Or maybe it’s about feeling more comfortable setting boundaries with others. Write down these specific outcomes so you can refer back to them and track your progress.
Goal-Setting Exercise:
Brainstorm: List all the ways anxiety impacts your daily life and what success would look like in managing each impact.
Prioritize: Circle the outcomes that feel most important to you right now.
Break it Down: Take one outcome and list a few actionable steps to work toward it. For example, if you want to reduce anxiety in social settings, a first step might be practicing self-calming techniques at home or in low-stress environments.
Setting specific goals for yourself will give you a clear roadmap, allowing you to measure progress based on your own standards rather than vague ideals.
Reason #3: You’re Trying to Do It All on Your Own
This one is a biggie and one I see with many clients. It’s natural to feel that you should be able to handle things on your own – maybe because you’re afraid of being judged, or perhaps you feel that asking for help is somehow a weakness. But when it comes to anxiety management, trying to go it alone can often make things harder than they need to be.
Think of anxiety management as a skill, just like any other. If you were learning a new language or trying to improve your fitness, you’d probably seek guidance, whether from a coach, a mentor, or a supportive community. Anxiety management is no different. Working with a therapist, even for a short period, can give you tools, insights, and support tailored to your unique needs. This isn’t about “fixing” yourself – it’s about giving yourself the support and resources to build the skills you need.
Solution: Consider reaching out for support if you feel stuck or if anxiety is impacting your quality of life. Therapy can be a powerful tool in understanding the roots of your anxiety, developing coping strategies, and finding ways to manage anxiety that are sustainable for you. Remember, asking for help isn’t a sign of weakness; it’s a commitment to your well-being and growth.
Getting Started: If the idea of therapy feels daunting, start small. Consider booking a short consultation session to discuss your goals and get a feel for the process. Many people find that just talking openly about their challenges with a trained professional can bring relief, even in the very first session. Now is as good a time as any!
Reason #4: You’re Not Working Smarter with Anxiety Management
Sometimes, managing anxiety isn’t about working harder but about working smarter. When we feel overwhelmed by anxiety, it’s tempting to pile on more self-help strategies or try to “do it all” in hopes that something will stick. But throwing everything at anxiety can be exhausting and ineffective if it’s not targeted to what you specifically need.
Anxiety management isn’t about quantity; it’s about quality. Instead of trying every technique in the book, focus on building a few key skills or practices that genuinely work for you. This might be practicing mindfulness, setting boundaries, or using specific cognitive techniques to challenge anxious thoughts.
Solution: Identify the top two or three strategies that resonate most with you and focus on those. Try them consistently for a set period – say, two to three weeks – before deciding if they’re helping. Adjust as needed, but avoid jumping from one strategy to another too quickly.
Tip: Track your results. Note any changes in your anxiety patterns or how you feel after using a specific strategy. This can help you refine your approach and see what truly works for you, reducing the overwhelm of “too many strategies.”
Reason #5: You Haven’t Defined Your “Why”
Here’s a reason that often goes overlooked: If you’re not clear on why you’re working to manage your anxiety, it can be harder to stay motivated. Just as with any goal, knowing why you want to make a change keeps you going, even when things get tough. Maybe you want to improve your quality of life, be more present with loved ones, or simply feel more at peace in your own mind.
Solution: Take a moment to define your “why.” Write it down somewhere you can refer back to, especially on difficult days. This reminder of what you’re working toward can help you stay committed to the journey, even when it feels challenging.
Key Takeaways
If you’re not seeing the results you want in your anxiety management journey, it might be because:
You’re comparing your progress to others.
Your goals aren’t clearly defined for you.
You’re trying to tackle anxiety all on your own.
You’re not using targeted, effective strategies.
You haven’t identified your “why.”
AND THERE YOU HAVE IT! 🙌🏽
Managing anxiety is a journey, one that takes time, clarity, and support. If you’re ready to take the next step and want guidance on how to reach your goals, I’d love to help. At Point and Pivot Counseling Services, we specialize in helping women just like you find calm, confidence, and clarity, particularly during midlife transitions.
Ready to explore how we can work together? Book a free 15-minute consultation to discuss your goals and see how we can create a tailored plan that’s right for you. This short, no-pressure call is a chance to explore how therapy can help you find the peace and resilience you’re looking for.
Until Next Time….
Chrys…OUT! xoxoxoxo
