Thriving Through Adversity: How Black Women Can Build Mental Strength and Resilience

Self-Care

Mar 3

Story Time

I used to think resilience meant pushing through, no matter what. That the key to success was grinding harder, working longer, and proving that I could handle anything thrown my way.

Back when I worked in corporate, I burned the candle at both ends—working late into the night, answering emails at all hours, and sacrificing sleep just to stay afloat. I told myself this was just the way things were, that this was the expectation during certain times of the year.

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But the truth? The systems (or lack of systems) made the job harder than it needed to be. The processes were inefficient, the expectations were unrealistic, and instead of streamlining work, leadership seemed fine with letting things remain chaotic. To make matters worse, I wasn’t just fighting bad systems—I was working with people who made the tasks even harder.

So, I did what I thought I had to do.

I worked tirelessly to complete every task, even when I was running on fumes.
I didn’t ask for help because I felt like I couldn’t trust anyone to do it correctly.
I felt an enormous pressure to “get things right”, because if things went wrong, I would be the reason.

I was overworked, underappreciated, and felt deeply disrespected. But what truly broke me?

I noticed that some of my counterparts weren’t breaking their necks to meet deadlines. They weren’t stressed. They weren’t drowning under the same pressures I was. And yet—they weren’t facing consequences.

They were just…coasting.

Why?

Because they had relationships. They had connections with the right people—the ones who shielded them from scrutiny, who made sure they were protected. Meanwhile, I was grinding myself into the ground for the same job, the same deadlines, and probably less paycheck.

Needless to say, I was furious. The resentment built up inside me like a wildfire. I became short with colleagues, frustrated with everything, and at some point, I just thought: eff it.

First, there was anger. Then, avoidance.

This workplace was killing me. No matter how much I yelled and screamed about the lack of process, about the stress it was putting on me, about how unfair it all was—nothing changed. Because the culture wasn’t going to change. And I finally realized: I was not going to be the person who fixed it.

So, I let go of the illusion of control. I stopped trying to change a system that wasn’t built to support me. And instead of letting the anger destroy me, I let it drive me.

I channeled that frustration into something productive—I made an entire career change. I removed myself from a toxic work environment that did nothing but drain me. And that decision, that resilience in the face of change and adversity, became my foundation.

Now, here I am.

I want to reclaim my resilience and book my free 15 minute consultation

The Problem

Let’s be real—Black women are expected to be strong. To endure. To hold everything (and everyone) together, no matter what.

But at what cost?

Emotional exhaustion – Constantly pushing through without rest leads to burnout.
Anxiety and self-doubt – Feeling like we have to prove ourselves over and over.
Lack of support – Being the “strong one” means others assume we don’t need help.
Fear of vulnerability – Because showing emotion can feel like weakness in a world that already underestimates us.
Generational trauma – Carrying the weight of inherited pain, expectations, and survival tactics.
Workplace microaggressions – Navigating spaces where we are underpaid, undervalued, and overlooked.
Hyper-independence – Feeling like you have to do it all alone because asking for help seems like a weakness.
Unrealistic societal expectations – Expected to be a provider, nurturer, and leader all at once, with little room for personal needs.
Limited access to mental health support – Facing financial and cultural barriers that make seeking therapy or support more difficult.

And the statistics back it up:

According to The American Psychological Association's "Stress in America 2022 report, women, in general, report higher stress levels than men.

In addition, according to the psychiatric times, Black women are less likely to seek mental health support due to stigma and systemic barriers.

So, how do we push back against this pressure? How do we build true resilience—one that allows us to thrive, not just survive?

Let’s Break It Down Further

Resilience isn’t just “being strong.” It’s a skill set. And like any skill, it can be developed.

But let’s talk about how we usually cope when life feels too much.

For many of us, it comes down to anger and avoidance.

Anger as a shield – We’re taught to stay tough, to not let people see us sweat. So, when stress piles up, it comes out as irritation, short-tempered reactions, or even shutting people out. But staying in a state of anger keeps us in defense mode, blocking out connection and growth.
Avoidance as survival – We’ve learned that sometimes it’s safer to stay silent. To push things down, to keep the peace, to just keep going. But avoidance doesn’t resolve anything—it only buries the problem deeper, making it harder to deal with later.
Overfunctioning to cope – Taking on more than necessary because slowing down feels unsafe or unproductive. This often leads to burnout.

These responses make sense given the challenges we face. They are survival tactics passed down through generations, shaped by lived experiences in a world that has demanded we be strong.

But resilience isn’t about suppressing or overcompensating—it’s about transforming how we handle stress in a way that actually serves us.

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Here’s what real resilience looks like:

Emotional regulation – Managing emotions without suppressing them.
Self-awareness – Understanding your limits and recognizing when you need support.
Cognitive flexibility – Reframing challenges so they don’t control you.
Values-based action – Choosing actions that align with what really matters to you.
Community & support – Because you don’t have to do it alone.
Self-compassion – Giving yourself the same grace you give to others.
Radical rest – Rejecting the hustle mentality and recognizing that rest is productive.
Intentional joy – Making space for things that bring you happiness, without guilt.

I want to build my resilience. Show me how

So What Now?

Let’s talk about how you can start strengthening your resilience today.

Reframe setbacks as growth opportunities – Instead of seeing challenges as failures, see them as lessons. What is this teaching me? How can I grow from this?
Practice mindfulness – When your mind spirals into worry or doubt, pause. Breathe. Anchor yourself in the present moment.
Set boundaries unapologetically – Resilience isn’t just pushing through; it’s knowing when to say no.
Validate your emotions – Feel what you need to feel without judgment. Your emotions are signals, not weaknesses.
Lean on your support system – You don’t have to go through it alone. Reach out. Connect. Ask for help when you need it.
Redirect anger into action – Instead of letting frustration consume you, use it as fuel. Channel it into advocacy, creativity, or movement.
Face discomfort instead of avoiding it – Avoidance only prolongs the pain. Facing challenges with intentionality builds true strength.
Prioritize rest and joy – Rest is not a reward—it’s a necessity. Make time for things that bring you happiness.
Speak your truth – Suppressing your feelings does not make them go away. Expressing them allows you to take control of your narrative.
Reclaim your time – Don’t let work, family, or society dictate how you live. Prioritize yourself.