The Family Messages That Keep You Stuck in Anxiety & Overthinking
Story Time
Picture it.
You…..lying awake at night, replaying a conversation in your head, wondering if you said the wrong thing.
Or better yet, you think of all the things you SHOULD HAVE SAID! 🥴
You second-guess every decision, from what to text back to whether you should take that new opportunity.
Your mind loops endlessly, running through worst-case scenarios, afraid of making a mistake.
Sound familiar?
If so, you’re not alone.
Many Black women struggle with anxiety and overthinking, often without realizing that the root of these patterns isn’t just personal—it’s generational.
The way we respond to stress, make decisions, and navigate relationships has been shaped by family messages passed down to us. Some of these messages were meant to protect us, but over time, they’ve kept us stuck in anxiety, self-doubt, and emotional exhaustion.
Let’s break down some of these inherited beliefs, why they fuel overthinking, and how you can start shifting away from automatic anxiety-driven responses toward confidence and clarity.
The Problem
Think back to your childhood.
What were you told about success? Mistakes? Emotions? Boundaries?
For many Black women, the messages we received weren’t just about what to do—they shaped who we became. These messages were often intended to help us navigate the world, but they also taught us to internalize fear, doubt, and guilt.
Here’s what that looks like in adulthood:
You overanalyze decisions because you were taught that making a mistake has serious consequences.
You struggle to set boundaries because you were taught that saying “no” is disrespectful.
You feel guilty for resting or slowing down because you were raised to believe that being strong means pushing through, no matter what.
You constantly anticipate worst-case scenarios because you were raised to always “be prepared.”
The result? Anxiety, overthinking, and emotional exhaustion.
And because these patterns are so deeply ingrained, you may not even realize where they came from.
So, let’s go deeper.
Breaking It Down Further
1. “You Have to Be Twice as Good to Get Half as Much”
This message was meant to prepare us for the realities of racism, discrimination, and bias. It was a survival tactic.
But over time, it can become crippling perfectionism.
How It Shows Up Today:
You over-prepare, overwork, and over-function because you feel like you can’t afford to fail.
You struggle with imposter syndrome, questioning whether you’re truly good enough.
You feel like no matter how much you achieve, it’s never enough.
How to Reframe It:
✅ “I am allowed to grow, make mistakes, and still be worthy.”
✅ “I don’t have to prove my value—my presence is enough.”
2. “Don’t Air Your Dirty Laundry”
Many of us were taught that family struggles stay in the family. “What happens in this house, stays in this house.” That vulnerability is weakness. That therapy is something "other people" do.
But what this really taught us was to suppress our emotions and handle everything alone.
How It Shows Up Today:
You bottle up emotions until they turn into resentment, anger, or exhaustion.
You hesitate to seek support because you were taught to “just deal with it.”
You struggle with trusting others and fear being judged if you’re vulnerable.
How to Reframe It:
✅ “Asking for help doesn’t mean I’m weak—it means I’m human.”
✅ “I deserve support, even if I was taught to carry everything alone.”
💡 If you’re in NJ and struggling with anxiety, I offer therapy to help you break these patterns. Click Here to Book a Free 15-Minute Consultation
3. “Be Strong, No Matter What” (The Strong Black Woman Trap)
Strength is a beautiful thing. But when it becomes an expectation instead of a choice, it can be suffocating.
How It Shows Up Today:
You prioritize everyone else’s needs over your own.
You hesitate to say “no” or ask for help, fearing you’ll let others down.
You feel exhausted, but the idea of resting makes you feel guilty.
How to Reframe It:
✅ “Strength includes knowing when to rest and ask for support.”
✅ “I am allowed to have needs, too.”
So What Now?
Recognizing these patterns is the first step. Now, it’s time to break the cycle.
Here’s how:
✔️ Pause & Identify the Pattern – When you start overthinking, ask yourself: “Is this my voice, or is this an inherited belief?”
✔️ Challenge the Message – Just because it was taught to you doesn’t mean it’s true. Ask: “Is this belief serving me?”
✔️ Choose a New Response – Instead of reacting automatically, pause and decide: “What do I want to do in this moment?”
Now Imagine This…
Imagine being able to make decisions without second-guessing yourself.
Imagine setting boundaries without guilt.
Imagine trusting your own voice, no longer held back by inherited anxiety.
You don’t have to stay stuck in overthinking and self-doubt. You can break the patterns that no longer serve you.
Let’s Do This!
These patterns didn’t start with you—but they can end with you.
Healing isn’t about rejecting your family. It’s about recognizing which messages serve you and which ones you’re ready to let go of.
And you don’t have to do this alone.
💡 If you’re ready to break free from inherited anxiety patterns, I’d love to help.
If you’re a NJ resident, book a free 15-minute consultation today.
Until next time,
Chrys….OUT! ✌🏽
xoxoxoxoxo 😘
