What Does it Take to Embrace Freedom in Midlife?
What Does it Take to Embrace Freedom in Midlife?
Story time…..I remember while working in corporate, burning the midnight oil, I had the thought…”why am I breaking my neck to go above and beyond for this place?” It was an aha moment that I’ll never forget. Even though I worked hard, scratched and clawed my way up that proverbial corporate ladder (hated that stupid a$$ ladder by the way) and managed to make a decent (emphasis on the word “decent’) living, I was totally dissatisfied with the job, and could not fathom working here until 65! WTF?!?!?!
But for real though….what am I doing here?!
On top of this “career” that I built for myself, I also had aging grandparents, children who needed my attention, a whole husband, a house that needed cleaning, laundry that needed to be done, food that needed to be cooked, college tours, track meets, etc, etc, etc.
And in my mind, I had to do it all! I had to give 1,000% to my job, another 1,000% to my kids, another 1,000% to my husband, etc, etc, etc. Now, I don’t know about yall, but my capacity (just like everyone elses) taps out at 100%. That’s the max we have to give! And if you noticed, there was no percentage of myself…..allocated to……ME!
Something had to change….I was crashing and burning…..QUICKLY! So I made the decision to point to what I wanted, and pivot, and start moving in that direction. See what I did there?! LOL
I realized none of these people, places, things required 1,000% of me. That was my thinking….and it was no accurate at all. So I pulled back. When I started to allocate the necessary time for myself, I noticed that I showed up in these other spaces refreshed. I was a better mother, a better employee, a better wife, a better grand-daughter….you get me drift.
So……..are you ready to let go of societal expectations and fully embrace your authentic self in midlife?
You may have already scoured self-help books or spent hours on the internet looking for advice on how to find your purpose and fulfillment during this phase of life. But today, I’m hoping to offer a new perspective on what it takes to feel confident, free, and emotionally balanced in midlife, despite the pressures around you.
Many people believe that as Black Gen X women, we must always meet societal expectations—whether it’s excelling in our careers, being the glue of our families, or maintaining a flawless appearance. These expectations can weigh us down, holding us back from truly living as our authentic selves. But what if these very pressures are part of the reason you feel disconnected, unfulfilled, or overwhelmed?
If you're struggling with letting go of the need to constantly "do it all" and want to move toward living with more freedom, this is the post for you.
Ready to dive into a behind-the-scenes look at what goes into embracing your true self in midlife and finding the freedom you deserve?
Always Remember to Challenge Limiting Beliefs
If you've been finding yourself reflecting on how societal expectations have shaped your life—whether it's feeling like you must be the ultimate caregiver or excel in every aspect of your life—you may want to challenge these thoughts. Ask yourself, why do I think I need to meet these expectations and who benefits from them?
Too often, we internalize the message that as Black women, we must take care of everyone else first, leaving little room for our own desires or needs. This leads to emotional burnout, anxiety, and a deep sense of disconnection. It’s time to stop questioning your worth based on what society says and start focusing on what brings you joy and fulfillment.
When you challenge limiting beliefs like “I’m only valuable if I’m busy taking care of others” or “I’m not successful if I’m not working hard 24/7,” you open the door to new possibilities of how you can live your life—on your own terms. This shift in mindset can lead to profound psychological freedom.
Hint: I have another post on What is Boundary Setting and Why It’s Crucial for Emotional Well-Being in Midlife. Check it out!
My Routine for Embracing Freedom in Midlife
I am happy to say that I have achieved a greater sense of freedom and fulfillment in midlife, and my routine plays a significant role in maintaining this emotional balance. A typical day for me involves intentionally carving out time for the things that matter most to my well-being.
Morning: I wake up and start my day with mindfulness and gratitude. I spend a few quiet moments reflecting on what I’m grateful for, whether it’s my health, my family, or even the small things like a sunny day. This simple practice grounds me and reminds me to focus on the present.
Noon: Around midday, I make it a point to step outside and take a walk—even if it’s just for a few minutes. Movement, paired with fresh air, helps me clear my mind and recenter myself, especially if I’ve been dealing with stressful situations.
Evening: Evenings are for unwinding and connecting—either with myself or my loved ones. I avoid bringing work into this sacred time. Whether I’m reading a book, spending time with family, or enjoying a relaxing bath, I use the evenings to replenish my energy for the next day.
Each part of my day serves to help me stay connected to myself and my needs, rather than getting swept away by external pressures.
How is your routine serving you?
Don’t be afraid to switch things up or let go of routines that no longer work for you. You are allowed to change, and that’s part of embracing your authentic self.
Some Advice from Brené Brown
I like to shake things up with insights from various thought leaders who resonate with me. One of my favorite thinkers, Brené Brown, has powerful advice about letting go of perfectionism. She says, “Perfectionism is not the same thing as striving to be your best. It’s the belief that if we do things perfectly, we can avoid the pain of blame, judgment, and shame.”
For more great tips like this, check her out on Oprah’s Life Class here.
Never let societal pressures dictate your worth. Your great-grandma may have meant well when she said, “You’ve got to work twice as hard to be seen half as good,” but that doesn’t mean you have to constantly grind yourself into the ground. Look for experts like Brené or other mental health advocates to guide you toward a more balanced approach to success and fulfillment.
When you’re feeling stuck, remember this quote from Brené Brown: “Daring to set boundaries is about having the courage to love ourselves even when we risk disappointing others.”
You Need Psychological Flexibility
Now, just because you currently don't have complete freedom from societal expectations doesn’t mean you can’t achieve it. However, you do need to develop psychological flexibility—the ability to adapt and pivot in the face of life’s challenges.
Let’s be specific in how you can gain this essential trait for success:
Step #1: Acknowledge your feelings without judgment.
Too often, we suppress our emotions because we think they’re "wrong" or not valid. Instead, allow yourself to feel your frustration, sadness, or even anger. Acknowledge these emotions as part of your experience, not something to push away.
Step #2: Clarify your values.
Once you’ve acknowledged your feelings, it’s time to get clear on what truly matters to you. What are the values that guide your life? Is it authenticity, freedom, connection, or something else? When you clarify your values, it becomes easier to make decisions that align with your true self, rather than what others expect of you.
Step #3: Take committed action toward your goals.
With your values in mind, start taking small steps toward the life you want. Whether that’s saying no to obligations that don’t serve you, setting new boundaries, or exploring new passions, taking committed action is how you start living with more freedom.
Because I know how important psychological flexibility is, I’ve put together this free (really free!) guide for you. Use it to reclaim your emotional balance and start living with more confidence.
Download "The Understanding the Thought-Emotion-Action Cycle Workbook"
Wrapping it up!
In this post, we’ve covered how societal expectations can lead to feelings of disconnection and anxiety in midlife, and how letting go of these pressures allows for greater emotional freedom and balance.
Do you think you’ll put into practice some of my tips about challenging limiting beliefs and developing psychological flexibility? If so, you are well on your way to living more authentically in midlife.
Remember, you can download my Understanding the Thought-Emotion-Action Cycle Workbook to help you reclaim your emotional balance and confidence right here.
I hope this post has been helpful!
All the best,
Chrys
BTW…..Check out my adorable dog, Oreo, who’s always by my side during my evening unwind time!
Isn’t she the cutest thing…EVER!!!!!