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The Guilt of Prioritizing Yourself? Let’s Leave That Behind This Holiday Season

"You can’t pour from an empty cup. Take care of yourself first."
Common wisdom we hear often, but rarely act on.

Do these wise words sound like something you need to hear right now? Especially when you think about the holidays, prioritizing your self-care might seem like a selfish act—one that brings on waves of guilt. But here’s the truth: You can’t be everything for everyone without first caring for yourself.

If you feel overwhelmed, stretched too thin, and hesitant to prioritize yourself, you’re not alone. For many, the holidays bring extra stress from family dynamics, social obligations, workplace pressures, and high expectations. But the truth is, your well-being needs to come first—no exceptions.

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Read on to learn how you can overcome the guilt of prioritizing self-care during the holidays, and why it’s a necessity, not a luxury.

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1. Take Stock of Your Energy and Emotional Needs

Feelings of guilt do not appear out of thin air. Holidays, while joyful for many, can bring difficult family dynamics, unmet expectations, and reminders of stress or loss. You might feel like you’re caught between being there for others and making yourself a priority.

Before the holidays, take stock of your needs:

  • What leaves you drained during the holidays? Identify specific situations, people, or holiday plans that make you anxious or overwhelmed.

  • What boundaries do you need to set? What expectations should you clarify with yourself, your family, and your friends?

  • What have you done to care for yourself during past holidays? What has worked? What hasn’t?

You can’t pour from an empty cup. Taking care of yourself is not selfish—it’s how you maintain the energy to show up for others without losing yourself.

2. Damage Control: Define Your Non-Negotiables

If you’ve ever felt overwhelmed about prioritizing your own needs, especially during family gatherings or holiday plans, you’re not alone. Many clients I work with feel like they “don’t deserve” self-care during this busy time, because their obligations come first. That’s where boundaries come in.

The guilt you feel comes from an internal conflict: You want to care for others and “show up” in all the ways that matter, but you also have emotional limits. For example:

  • You need time for yourself at the end of busy holiday gatherings.

  • You need to say no to plans you’re not excited about.

  • You need time to recharge, process emotions, or physically recover after social demands.

Set firm boundaries: Define your holiday non-negotiables. Where do you draw the line to protect your energy and emotional health? Use short, clear phrases like:

  • “I need some time for myself, but I’ll join you afterward.”

  • “I can’t stay for the whole evening, but I’ll stop by for an hour.”

Remember: You can control the situation. You don’t need to let your fear of guilt influence your decision to care for yourself.

Need help setting boundaries or planning your self-care for the holidays?

Book a free 15-minute consultation here.

3. Accept Help and Let Go of Expectations

The holidays can be emotionally intense. If you’ve been conditioned to put others first, you may find it difficult to prioritize your own needs and ask for help when you need it.

I know what you’re thinking: "Asking for help? That’s not something I feel comfortable with." Or, "It’s easier to do it myself." But trying to do it all leads to stress, burnout, and guilt when you do take care of yourself.

Accept help and accept your current situation. What would it mean to you if you could lean on others to take some of the emotional weight? Acknowledge that it’s okay to:

  • Ask for help with holiday responsibilities or planning.

  • Check in with a therapist to process holiday stress.

  • Delegate. You don’t have to do it all yourself.

When you learn to accept that it’s okay to let go, you’ll begin to feel that prioritizing yourself is not an act of selfishness but an act of strength.

4. Future Planning: Redefine What “Self-Care” Means for You

If you’ve ever thought that self-care means a spa day, shopping, or bubble baths—think again. Self-care looks different for everyone, and it starts with emotional health. It’s about giving yourself what you need to function and feel grounded during the holidays.

  • Take stock of how your needs change during the holidays. Maybe you need time alone after a day with family. Maybe you need walks, journaling, therapy sessions, or extra sleep.

Plan specific ways to care for yourself during the holidays. What will work for you? Start small and commit to those actions:

  • Schedule downtime for yourself.

  • Take short breaks during family gatherings to reset.

  • Be honest about your energy and needs when making holiday plans.

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By planning ahead, you can redefine self-care to reflect what will help you get through the holidays feeling emotionally balanced and free of guilt.

5. Act, Don’t React: Challenge the Guilt Narrative

Did your parents, your family, or your friends ever make you feel like taking care of yourself wasn’t a priority? Did you grow up thinking that putting others first was always the “right” thing to do?

If so, you’re probably familiar with that nagging guilt when you try to prioritize your needs. But guilt doesn’t mean you’re doing something wrong. Taking care of yourself makes you more grounded, more present, and better able to show up for others.

Challenge the narrative. Ask yourself:

  • Who benefits if I feel guilty for prioritizing myself?

  • What is the actual result of prioritizing my self-care? (Hint: you’ll be able to show up with more energy, better emotional balance, and no resentment.)

Taking care of yourself is an action. Let the guilt come and go, but don’t let it dictate what you do next. Prioritizing self-care is not selfish—it’s essential.

Wrapping This Thing Up: Take Action for Yourself This Holiday Season

The guilt you feel for prioritizing self-care during the holidays? It doesn’t have to control you. Your emotional needs are valid, and taking care of yourself allows you to show up as the best version of yourself for those you care about.

  • Define your non-negotiables and set boundaries.

  • Accept help and let go of unrealistic expectations.

  • Challenge guilt, redefine self-care, and focus on actionable ways to care for yourself.

You deserve to prioritize your well-being. If you’re ready to explore how to make this a reality, I’m here to help.

How can Point and Pivot Counseling Services help you overcome holiday stress and guilt?
Book your free 15-minute consultation today and take the first step toward a more balanced, guilt-free holiday season.

Until next time,

Chrys….OUT! xooxoxoxoxo 🙌🏽😉